After much deliberation, I ordered a sewing machine from Amazon. I promptly unpacked it, then stared, mystified, at all of its complicated plasticky bits. I laid the little tools out on the table. I learned what a bobbin is. I threaded the machine approximately 657 times, watched a YouTube video instructing me how to thread it, then threaded it again. I made what amounted to two pillowcases — a dog bed cover for Bix and a lavender-stuffed eye pillow. Then I put it away for two months, defeated.

And then I got Lotta Jansdotter’s Simple Sewing. Unlike the 1970s-era Reader’s Digest Complete Guide to Sewing compendium — obtained for $1 at a thrift store in Arizona — that I’d been using as a reference tool, here were some things I’d like to sew!

I am confident that it took me longer to thread the machine than it took to actually put these projects together — and that took me a very long time, I assure you. So much pressing! I’m surprised my poor iron, subject to years of neglect (actually, it may have been Dan who brought the iron into my life), didn’t short out in protest. I’m surprised, too, that I knew how to use it.

First, I put together the Wall Organizer, except I couldn’t just follow the pattern as is, I had to deviate and make something exactly how I wanted it. I suspect, though, that even if I had followed the pattern, it’d have turned out just as ramshackle. My sewing skills leave much to be desired — sewing is not a noodling-around kind of activity like drawing. Sewing is precise. I have a hard time with precise, especially if it involves small mathematical amounts. So, everything is crooked: the pockets themselves, their positioning on the background, the stitching. The backstitching is atrocious, and I didn’t even know what “topstitching” was, so the hem is completely visible on the bottom. It was hard for me to even cut the fabric out — I must have recut one of the pockets three times.

The first time I sewed it all together, I realized I’d sewn the rod pocket into the inside of the backing (instead of on the outside, where it would be useful). Good thing I had invested in a seam ripper during my trip to the fabric store (first ever!) last weekend.

So although this project can’t be called an unqualified success — an A for effort, for sure, but a D- in execution — I was undaunted. I immediately flipped through the book and took on the hardest project I could find: the All-Day Tote. This many-paneled, lined, pocketed purse looked adorable. I can do it, I thought, ignoring my previous sewing experiences and utter lack of skill. No sweat.

Luckily I didn’t have much to do yesterday, because it took me the entire day to crank this project out.

Oh, look, it’s already wrinkly and covered in dog hair!

This thing was hard. There were so many pieces! (But, mercifully, less pressing.) And the whole turning-it-inside-out thing was a Escherian puzzle that took me several test-pins to figure out.

Let’s face it — the tote is a mess: the stitching is awful, one of the handles isn’t fully attached, it’s terribly wrinkly, and the twill tape I used for the key ring is fraying. I didn’t get to bed until after midnight, and my back and eyes were aching.

Sounds like a new obsession.