I was reading Calvin Trillin’s memorial piece in the New Yorker about his wife, Alice, and was struck not only (most obviously) by the photograph—the two of them strolling down some London street the day of their marriage at the registry, she, beaming, in a matching suit with a white beret and honey-gold curls, he in a slim suit, casually, maybe even goofily smiling, shifting hand from pocket—but also by the startlingly honest portrayal of love, and a portrayal in reaction to romanticized, overwrought readings like mine. At first glance, I thought to myself, If only my wedding picture would one day look like this: slate sidewalk, houndstooth skirt—but upon closer scrutiny I realize what I really think is much bigger than that, is more like, I wish I would have a marriage like that, a marriage that, set upon the page, works as two characters, a plot, forward-moving action buoyed by family jokes, bits of language, winks and smiles. A marriage that inspires both outside and in—maybe more importantly, in. Dan and I are on the cusp of something big. The rings are dormant in their box, teasing us from the shelf where they stare out at the bed, at the windows, at the rest of our lives, really. How can anyone know what good will come in the years and years it takes to finally do something right? How can anyone know, at the beginning, what those round rings mean—what sense of forever, love, support, family we haven’t yet learned?
oh REALLY!
i kind of suspected that there were some marriage vibes in the air. bonnie kept calling me incessantly after she saw you in ny. i never called back though because i was really really busy this past weekend. so, tell me more. call me later. this evening. after dinner. OK? xo, e
(if this is all true. is this internet babble??)
You can have a marriage like that. Sometimes it is extra work & effort, sometimes it seems as easy as breath itself, but you can have it. IN fact, you have already started to create it, as your watching rings can attest. The fact that they are there watching at all calls to the fact that you will have it. Neither you, Dan nor anyone can know what good will come in your years ahead but you need not wait to “finally” do something right, you are already doing it by making decisions and moving forward with your life and your love. You can not know fully the story of the rings until you have written it, and the joy of writing that story in it’s fullness and glory will only be known as you live and share that love and story with the love & support of your famalies. Your sense of forever starts now and extends back through generations and forward to the future you are only now beginning to write.
Ooooh! Me too. Especially about the houndstooth. That alone gives me too many ideas.
Why is the concept of marriage so much harder when you actually are with someone who will most likely marry you someday soon? It’s all these intense emotions flitting around, when rationally, you should be happy and relaxed, safe in the knowledge that you’ve found that person.
I love the way you have comments set up at the top. A simple change, but works so nicely.
I’ve been reading and enjoying your (sparsely updated) blog for a couple years, but you haven’t had commenting available for quite a while, so this makes me excited.